The Rite of Marriage
One of the most beautiful moments of any married person’s life is when they exchange vows with their beloved. It is an intimate moment, perhaps made a bit awkward by the public nature of the ceremony itself. The Church has ritualized this moment in a very beautiful way, and the rite provides for that beauty to be experienced by all present. Here are some ways to make the rite as prayerful and solemn as possible.
First thing, follow the ritual as provided by the Church. There is no need to fluff up things. The rite already provides for personalizing the ritual by use of the couple’s names, and any more fluff by the presider only serves to bring attention to himself and away from the ministers of the sacrament, the couple. The assembly are to stand, not sit. We stand in witness and we stand in support of someone. We don’t sit in support of someone, for sitting is passive. Standing is active. We stand when we pray at Mass. Thus, we stand in prayer for and with this couple. But the pictures! People want to see them! Well, people will see them all day, but they want to see them at this special moment. Depending on the design of the worship space and sanctuary, it may be possible to have the couple stand on a high step or landing facing the assembly and have the presider stand below them facing them, also as a witness, which he is.
Which form of vows to use? In the U.S. there are two options, plus the couple can write their own. If written by the couple, they need to follow a certain form, to make sure they include the canonically valid points. They should not be verbose, but should be concise and understandable by all. The form of the vows where the couple simply respond “I do.” should be used only in the case where the couple are capable of making a marriage commitment and of exchanging the sacrament, but are not capable of reciting the full vows publicly. I have never seen a case where this is warranted, although I have seen couples opt for it. Those who do, except for serious need, diminish the beauty of the sacramental moment, and make it appear more that the presider is receiving their consent than they are exchanging it with one another.
What about memorizing vows? I was gung-ho on writing and memorizing vows, but then a friend of mine said to me that he saw a beauty in reciting those same words that our parents and grandparents, etc., reciting when they married. Enough said. And as for memorizing, it is more important that the couple concentrate on just what they are promising to each other than on whether or not they are remembering it properly.
Next, make a provision for the couple’s vows to be heard. It is far more important for the couple to be heard by the assembly than to be seen, for it is the vows that the public witness. All too often we hear a booming presider say, over the microphone, “I, John, take you, Mary . . . ”, and never hear the couple! We also have moments when the presider turns off his microphone and we never hear anything of the vows at all. True, it may seem like an evening newscast to have someone put a microphone in front of the groom and bride when they speak, but it is better that they be heard. The same is true with the exchange of rings.
Third, don’t let the ritual go to you-know-where. At the end of each prayer there is to be an assembly assent of “Amen.”. Make sure the presider leads the assembly to make their assent at each required moment.
Following the presider’s witness, “You have declared your consent . . . ”, outside of Lent, it is a good idea to let the assembly sing an Alleluia, praising God for the sacrament that has been given.
Do not ignore the Prayer of the Couple. Save for my own wedding, I have never seen this done. Following the Exchange of Rings and before the Universal Prayer, the couple have an opportunity to pray before God publicly, thanking God for their love, for their faith, and for the marriage they will live out for the rest of their days. Like Tobias and Sarah, my wife and I prayed sometimes together, sometimes one and then the other. It was a very beautiful moment.
Unless required by the rubrics (e.g. celebrated at a Sunday Mass), the Profession of Faith is omitted.
The Universal Prayer can be written by the couple. If so, it should follow the format in the General Instruction of the Roman Missal. Again, it should not be verbose, it is a secondary rite of the liturgy. And throughout this entire rite, the assembly should remain standing, until the end of this prayer.
More coming.
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